WARNING: Lungfull contains information that people traditionally wait until their deathbed to find out. The bright light of this issue reveals:(a)secret danger of the sea-hobo. (b)true name & personal email of god. (c)john ashbery: final Cylon. (d)babies really come from int’l babies and fragrances in teaneck, nj. (e)how to build your own hi-def TV out of snow and antlers. (f)KENNEDY shot Reagan to prevent Reagan from going back in time and shooting LINCOLN BUT HE FAILED. (g)when i sold you that bootleg of The Bourne Ultimatum it was actually a DVD of me on my couch watching The Bourne Ultimatum. (H)asparagus does that to your pee becasue you had impure thoughts while eating the asparagus.
Reading any further also implies you consent to the LUNGFULL NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT: I will actively deny the very existence of Lungfull If I fall into enemy hands during a mission inspired by the poems herein. Lungfull will disavow all knowledge of my activities or identity. Once a year I will befriend a poet just to steal copies of Lungfull! from their home and destroy them. I will pretend to be pregnant to keep people talking about the baby instead of Lungfull! I will not discuss Lungfull with other people, imaginary or otherwise. if i get drunk and pee on my friends coffee tale i will not claim to be testing lungfull’s waterproof cover. most importatly, If, IN A ROOM WITH LUNGFULLCONTRIBUTORS OR EDITORS I am found to have smelt it I hereby relinquish all rights to deny my having dealt it.
Speaking of funny smells, thanks capitalism! for making our lives just a little sweeter each year. I heard New York State is rolling arts funding into the Bronx Zoo budget into the MTA budget into a hot dog bun and feeding it to Bernie Madoff with a 1964 Dom Perignon. The only wine we can afford to serve at the release party is a 2009 Don Perineum. Perhaps our failure to incorporate in a timely fashion is the only thing that’s saving us. But as long as long as they are able to weather the storm we’d like to send our continued number one most appreciative and deepest REAL thanks to Kathleen Masterson and Catherine Leahy and the entire NYSCA criris management team who keep the bonfire of the human creative spirit roaring despite the increasingly deep ocean of financial disaster we find ourselves drenched by and on the bottom of. Thanks also to Governor Patterson for jumping in and making sure that arts funding doesn’t take a back seat to whatever his predecessor was doing in the back seat. And lets hear it for Jamie Schwartz, Jeffrey Lependorf, Jay Baron Nicorvo and the rest of the merrie bande at the CLMP.
We’d be nowhere without the assistance of Dianne Debicella, Adam Forest Huttler, Arwen Lowbridge and Alexandra Gray at Fractured Atlas - even in a storm as bad as the one we’re all in now, this fiscal umbrella never collapses or flips inside out. The Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts better not stop volunteering because any day now we’ll be showing up at their house with a bouquet of flowers that we picked from their front lawn and a bunch of 501c3 incorporation documents. Thanks also to the foundations that were unable to fund us this year. Times are tough. We were going to put the rejection letters up on the fridge, but we had to sell the fridge to afford food. Then we had to burn the letters for heat. Why didn’t I write down who volunteered for last year’s release party? Because I’m a dope. Thanks to Jesse Tobin and Lucas Stensland for not stealing all the money they collected at the door. Thanks also to that guy working with Lauren at the book table. And the other people. And to Alex and Gita for opening Zinc to us and for plying us with the drinks needed to maintain the illusion that putting out a literary magazine is a fine idea that should be repeated year after year. This year, my avatar will be facetwittering and livepinging its ass off from the wii boxing tournament at the world of warcraft booth in the second life virtual release party watch for us on pay-per-view. Oh yes, lest I forget: thanks also to Aurora for not killing me in my sleep. She’s killing me by not letting me sleep.
And you - thank you for subscribing, or for otherwise obtaining a copy in such a way that we get a little sugar. Crystal meth ain’t free, and neither are the long term dental and dermatological care the editors will eventually require.
Lungfull was written and printed in front of a live studio audience. It has been edited for content and to fit inside the shape of a magazine. Some aspects of the journal may be unsuitable for some, or all, readers. Subscriber illiteracy is advised.
But who listens to my advice? not me. i’ve been advising myself to stop publishing this magazine for years. But then my so called friends trick me into putting out just one more goddamn issue. Despite their willful disregard for my cries for help, I’d like to send out props to these people who I secretly love: Stacy, Corrine and Arlo at the Poetry Project. And Steve too, who I hope feels better than he tells me he feels whenever he answers the phone. And Newsletter Editor John Coletti, now in the home stretch of his private stations of the cross. Eric Lorberer, my Midwestern doppleganger, the three wise men of southside coffee, Al of the Bagel Zone, Howard Zinn, The Thanksgiving Shade Grown Coffee Company, The Breaktime Cookie Company, Erik Sweet in Albany, John Trudell, Rolls Andre, Matt Easton, Chris Martin & Puppyflowers, Jason Catanzariti the world’s best certified Flight Instructor, Eric Hollender, The Wall Street Journal, Dave Brinks & Megan Burns of New Orleans’ Yawp & Gold Mine Saloon, Kate Johnson, Rev. Severina, Elizabeth Zechel, Nick & Angela, Jim Behrle, Abigail, J & Louisa Clarkson, Claudia Lorber & Bill, Douglass Rothschild, Jackie Sheeler & poetz.com, luckymojo.com, Shardav Industries, Danny The Tree Surgeon, David Kirshenbaum & Boog Lit, Bruce Covey in Hotlanta, Coconut & Emory University, Eugene Ostashevsky, MacGregor Card, Matvei Y & Anna M of UDP, Joel Kuszai and Bill Marsh from Factory School, Genese grill & aesthesia, Green-wood Cemetery, Community Board 7, Thomas Coghlan, Noam Chomsky, Erica Kaufman, David Cameron, Giuseppe Castellacci, Fred Yannantuono, Lila Cecil for making writers’ lot a lot better, Ian Dreiblatt, Dear departed BarBQ and newly arrived Eurotrip, Carlos Reynoso for not dying, Arnie and his crew, Lou Asekoff for his years of service to the task, Holly White & Master Ian Ezekial Bubbles Papillon Cameron, John Wallingford, Jordan Davis, CE Putnam & Mo in Seattle, Dick Wolf, Jeffrey Nelson, Paola Casarini, Brandon Downing & Melissa Cacha, Matt Abramovitz & pure jazz sirius xm 72, jess fiorini, christine hamm, Marcella Durand, Rich O’Russa & Ismael, Greg Fuchs, Vincent Katz & Vanitas, Bruce Covey & Coconut, Ram Devineni & Rattapallax, the dave clark baby-crying-abating aviation headset company. thanks to Natashia the birthing instructor and Antoinette the doula. Endless thanks for KristEn the midwife - we will show up with a pony when you least expect it.
If Lungfull isn’t available at your local bookstore, perhaps that’s because the last independent bookstore went out of business in 2008. Look around, you are standing next to a for rent sign in an empty space, or maybe a brand new army recruiting station. Check the dumpster out back. There might still be a few copies there. If not, ask the captivating man in the uniform about a 2 year Lungfull subscription as an enlisting bonus. Don’t want to go to Iraq and kill people just so you can read poetry? Why not start your own independent bookstore. An unsustainable business model? Not if you give away free Mexican prescription pills with every book/magazine purchase. I would recommend a nice off-brand Ritalon/Xinax cocktail for this issue of Lungfull. Ahhh, that’s livin. While you’re online, you could save yourself a lot of hassle and just buy Lungfull on our delightful little website: www.lungfull.org. Domestic subscriptions are $19.90 for 2 issues & $39.80 for 4 issues. For $595 you get issues for the rest of your life. purchasing several lifetime subscriptions has not been clinically proven to extend you life, but there is a great deal of anecdotal evidence that supports this off-label use.
If you prefer to rock your finances old school, or if an arrangement with the District Attorney prevents you from using the internet, send us a check, payable to Brendan Lorber, not Lungfull! Send it to Subscriptions, Lungfull!magazine, 316 23rd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11215. You may also obtain additional Lungfull Stickers for a dollar a sticker.
MONEY BARACK GUARANTEE: If you find the magazine to be worse in the next four years than in the previous eight, we will gladly sell our commemorative inaugural plates and use the cash to refund the price of your subscription, minus the cost of the lean-to we will all be living in together.
OVEREXTENDED WARRANTEE: If you find any poem, story or essay in this issue to go on too long, we will send you a pair of scissors.
SERVICHE AGREEMENT: If your Lungfull fails to perform as expected, bring it in and our technician will top greens with fish mixture, sprinkle with cilantro and serve on tostados or tortilla chips with salsa.These offers expire on 3/6/10 unless subsequent notices rescind or extend them.
Lungfull! is printed, bound & waterproofed here in New York by the awesome team at Sterling-Pierce. For 14 years they’ve made Lungfull look better than we hoped it would and much better than we deserve. In 1995 we had a conversation where they told me I couldn’t afford a CMYK cover but would I be interested in lamination? Q: How did anyone live WITHOUT laminated poetry before that pivotal moment in 1995? A: although they ate, walked, rode the subway, nobody was really living.
Lungfull! is distributed around the U.S. & in Europe by Ingram & Ubiquity. How is it that all the other distributors have gone out of business? It seems like a perfect scheme: “Hello little publisher, I will send your magazine to a bookstore. The bookstore will give me 2/3 of the cover price. Once in awhile you will call, asking about getting paid. I will mail you a piece of paper with many lines like this: chargeback ($-342) / units allocated 17 / aggregate units 22 / skid palate roster: 000 affidavit: Y/N prior issue advance return: 8 of 4.” Where was the flaw? you hired a person to manage accounts payable, just to keep up appearances but didn’t pay them either. How could DeBoers, Fine Print, Desert Moon go bankrupt when they never coughed up any of the money they ever received. I guess if big banks can go bankrupt, small time crooks can screw up too.
Lungfull! welcomes submissions of text & visual art from people of all backgrounds, ethnicities & classes in the US & internationally. We publish work of emerging & established writers at all stages of what they mistakenly believe to be a career. All submissions must be accompanied by a cover letter in which you forsake the self-important grandstanding. If a technique wouldn’t work picking us up drunk in a bar, it won’t work in making us feel sympathy for your work. Instead, why not explain why you want anything to do with Lungfull. Response time varies and routinely exceeds people’s annoyance threshold. If you enjoy being annoyed or, even better, have enough going on that a year or so won’t play on your nerves then we can’t wait to see what you got up your sleeve. Please do not query us, or complain to others, before one year has passed. We publish 2% of received submissions, so we send our apologies in advance. Submissions without sases are great experiments in the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Did we ever get your submission? Did we ever make a decision?
Did we print your letter without permission? Did someone else write a letter and sign your name to make you look bad? Welcome to Lungfull! Small presses make everyone look a little tattered around the edges - at least we’re honest about it. If you are angry, why not send us a letter! We get tired of reading letters from people who were rejected - such a breath of fresh air to hear from people angry at being accepted. Don’t worry, we wouldn’t want to be members of any club that would have us as members either. Send submissions & letters to the editor to 316 23rd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11215. PLEASE NOTE: Anything you send that isn’t money, poems, meals-on-wheels or unibombish will be considered a letter to the editor & printed.
We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the funding we receive by the National Ophthalmologists Association to maintain our commitment to printing at least one page of each issue in 4pt type. We should also mention that we recognize that the Editor is actually the only one who reads this and, in that way, the experience of being here in the midst of this type is not unlike that of the bardo of the moment after death where everything that appears external - all the wrathful and peaceful deities moving about - are actually just projections of my own psyche. Om mani pad me hum!
The material in this magazine is opinion except things that are patently true. If you disagree with it, let’s say it’s someone else’s option. Everything you think is wrong/unfounded/offensive was written by the editors of Hanging Loose. Anything you like was written by us, but stolen from people much much smarter. Anything lawsuit-worthy ought to be considered satire or, in particularly grievous cases, just an extended typo. Lungfull!magazine, Disconnecting the dots, The stakes are big, the mistakes are bigger, wronging the writers, writing the wrongs, out of business & all other materials written or created by the editor are copyright (c)2009 Brendan Lorber. Even. This. Word. All other writing & visual art is copyrighted property of their respective creators. right thought, right speech, right action & all other rights are reserved.
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